We spent all that time getting ready. We drove all the way here. And now you want to leave? No, we are going to stay here and you will have fun. If you have a sensory kiddo and *haven’t* had this conversation (or at least whined it in your head), I applaud you. When should we “give in” to Sensory Processing Disorder? How do we know whether to push for growth or give in to the sensitivities?
The Heartbreak
It is heartbreaking seeing your child struggle. Some days my son can handle a mall play area with no issues. Some days he can handle playgrounds. But on some days, there are just too many kids. On some days, it is just too loud. He will be there a few minutes and be ready to go. I really struggled emotionally with this – but I have learned through watching him that I don’t always need to. He’s never come to me crying begging to leave because it’s too loud. He will sometimes come over and say it is too loud and request his headphones. Other times, he just comes and says he’s ready to go.
There have been times I can see fear or sadness in his eyes. But that is not the norm.
Last year, splash pads were a wash. Water temperature was an issue. Sensory right – it makes sense. The previous year, he was excited to go to splash pads, bring some toys, and play in the water. This last summer, as soon as the water touched him, he wanted to leave. He tried once more and it was the same issue.
My son has a fear of heights. I don’t recall when this was triggered, but he can’t handle changing tables. He is almost day/pee trained now but still uses diapers at night and for pooping. We change him on the floor – we always have. We live in a small-ish apartment and didn’t have room for a changing table, so I suppose he had a lack of exposure. It hasn’t been something we have actively worked on, because it just doesn’t seem worth the fight. We love these diapers – Huggies Slip-On Diapers sizes 4, 5, 6). Potty Learning post coming soon!
Give In to Sensory Processing Disorder
As parents in general and especially as parents of kids with sensory problems, we constantly walk a fine line between giving in to sensitivities and pushing for growth. We hate to see our kids upset. We want to move mountains to avoid a meltdown.
I have spoken to my therapist about this. What is the right call? Am I setting my child up for failure in the long run because I over-accommodate? The distinction varies by child and by situation, but I have a go-to:
When to give in or push –
- If your child is having a great day, push to *just* outside the comfort zone. Yes, your child may react in a way that embarrasses you in public. Eventually, that comfort zone should widen. Think big picture.
- If your child is sick, didn’t sleep well (or worse than usual ☺), exhausted from school, therapies, etc. just give in. Your child may not be able to physically handle another stressor today. Let it go. Another time for learning will come. Give both of you a break.
- If YOU have had a bad day – give yourself a break. Don’t push if it’s just going to stress you out more. Your child will feel that stress and react more strongly. Relax. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
In what situation –
- Think about the actual situation. Is there a legitimate reason to have fear? Does this fear keep your child from growing? Does this fear keep him from things he would like to do? Is there a way to accommodate his environment in a way that doesn’t preclude him from growing in the future?
When a Playground is Not So Fun
For example, the playground structure at a park is scary.
No? It’s just fun and kids love them? (Maybe you empathize with your child here and just need ideas on how to explain the struggle to others….)
Try to think about it from your child’s point of view.
It goes up high. The slide goes fast. There are holes in the flooring! If there are other children, I may get pushed and fall off! The bridge moves!
That’s intense. That doesn’t sound fun at all. Should we give in or push?
Have you ever gone to a carnival or amusement park that has those “Ropes Course” or “Elevated Obstacle Course”? You know the ones; you get hooked up to their bungee system and maneuver your way through a little course way up high. If you miss your footing, no problem, the bungee will keep you from plummeting to the ground.
A lot of people would not choose to do this! Just thinking about it makes me nervous. The point is – that’s OK. We are all different. And we all start somewhere.
Swings are another story. The picture on this post is from the first day that E sat on a swing by himself. After working with physical therapy, E would be OK with sitting on my lap on a regular swing or an adaptive swing. With much reassuring and me holding his hand, he would sit on the adaptive swing. Look at this growth! I was so excited and proud!
The playground structure is safe (outside of splinters on wooden ones, metal on a hot summer day….) and are a great way to practice his gross motor skills – climbing steps, managing balance, planning movement, body awareness! If he never loves them, that’s fine. But I will keep encouraging him and exposing him in order to help him be more comfortable accessing his environment.
What are your thoughts? What fears does your child have and what has helped?
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